


Love at First Attempt Of Murder

by Platinum_Platypus



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: 3Dante, 3everyonebutnero, Dante still gets a sword to a chest by Nero tho, I completely changed the dmc 3-4 plot just so Nero could be swag in this story, M/M, and gets straddled
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-03-12
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:06:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6037387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Platinum_Platypus/pseuds/Platinum_Platypus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dante heard demons were rampaging the city, he didn't expect to find a demon hunter. Nor did he expect for that demon hunter to be a half demon. Or sexy as hell. Or a boy.</p>
<p>But whatever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Nah, it's just a really sexy dude named Nero.

**Author's Note:**

> "So.....can I keep this sword you've so kindly impaled me with or nah?"
> 
> "Are you fucking kidding me?"
> 
> "Nah. This sword is pretty cool."
> 
> "I'm going to enjoy killing you."

Dante had every single fucking reason not to take this mission. A: It was bad pay. B: It sounded boring as shit. C: He wanted to stay in bed all day. But nope. Lady forced him to get off his ass and here he was.

"Come out come out wherever you are, ya little shits." He called out to the demons that he knew were lurking around. "Papa Dante's going to slam Rebellion down your throat."

One came out from the shadows of the alleyway, but was killed instantly by a shot from Ivory. "Fuuuuck. They don't even put up a good fight." Dante whined in annoyance. At times like this, Vergil seemed like a boring asshat. Fucking dickwad didn't even want to say good morning. He'd rather do his hair than talk to Dante.

Shrugging to himself, the son of Sparda made his way to a news office. "I've never even heard of this place." He muttered. "401 Cable News? Like anyone can afford cable." He grumbled. 

It was strangled quiet too. Only the fan could be heard. Weird. He was told to go to this place to get all the demons. Hmmm. Something seemed off.

Dante turned around just in time to get impaled with a sword and pinned to the wall behind him. 

"Well damn. That was rude." He called out. When the person who threw the sword came out of the shadows, Dante was pretty sure that his jaw was on the ground in shock.

It was someone. Someone very very attractive. They were also a boy. But oooooh boy, he was hot as hell on a heat wave.

"So.....can I keep this sword you've so kindly impaled me with or nah?"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Nah. This sword is pretty cool."

"I'm going to enjoy killing you."

Dante smiled nervously at the other. "I don't think you want to do that, kid."

"Call me kid and I'll stab you in the throat with a rose shaped knife." The kid hissed.

Dante held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, um....."  
"It's Nero."

"Okay, Nero, I'm Dante. Dante Sparda, killer of demons and fucker of people." After the introduction, Dante pulled out the sword from his chest. "So, what's a kid like you doing here?"

"I'm a demon hunter." Nero said, a scowl on his pretty little face.

"That's swag. Wanna help me on my mission then?"

"I just threatened to kill you and you want my help?"

"Pretty much."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"A lot."


	2. I'm not saying you're attractive. I'm just saying that I'd tap that in 3.7 seconds.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can I just say, you're too hot to look at."
> 
> "What?"
> 
> "I mean, a longass jacket and jeans in summer? What the fuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vergil meets his future brother in law. Trish and lady ship Danero.

Nero cocked an eyebrow at the guy. This idiot wanted his help after he had just impaled him. What the fuck. Eh, it could mean that he'd have bait for the demons. Cool. Why not?

Nero lowered the hand holding Blue Rose and sighed. "Fine."

"Really?!" Dante asked happily.

"If you shut up, yeah."

"Hells yes."

Dante happily skipped toward the exit with Red Queen in hand. "GIVE ME MY SWORD!" Nero growled. The older demon slayer sighed in annoyance, throwing the sword back to Nero, who caught it.

"Anyway, we have to get back to Devil May Cry before Vergil finds ou-"

"DANTE MARILYN SPARDA!" Vergil's voice boomed.

"VERGIL ASHLEY SPARDA!" Dante screeched back. Nero stared at the two in confusion. "What?"

"We always make fun of how our middle names are pronounced when we're pissed at each other."

"Oh."

Vergil stomped over to the two, followed by Lady and Trish. "I told you to be back by 9:00. It's 9:01!" Vergil hissed.

"Excuse you? I'm surprised you noticed since you always make out with your hair spray."

Lady snorted and Trish shook her head. Dante's twin glared at the other. "Fuck you."

"Vergil, you cursed? Mother will be ashamed." Dante scolded. Nero was getting a little ticked off that no one was paying him any attention. Honestly, how fucking ru-

"Who's the kid?" Trish asked, pointing to Nero.

"I AM NOT A KID GODDAMMIT I AM 17 AND 3/4!" Nero bellowed.

"Nero doesn't like being called a kid, right kid?"

"Dante ,I swear to fucking God."

Trish and Lady immediately smirked at eachother, their Yaoi senses tingling. Vergil, on the other hand, glared at Nero.

"What the fuck?"

"What's the fuck?"

"What's a child doing here?"

"This child impaled your brother with a sword, so back off."

"Dante, why must you get stabbed so many times?" Vergil groaned.

"It's like I have a fucking sword attracter." Dante said with a snort.

Nero and Vergil resumed their glaring match, until Vergil realized the vivacious hellion stabbed his brother.

"I like him." Vergil said, pointing to Nero.

"Back the fuck off, I called dibs." Dante hissed back.

"Excuse me, I am not an object."

"Shut up." Lady, Trish, Vergil, and Dante all said in unison. 

"Alright, anyways, Mr. I will fuck anything that's hot, we have news. You and Nero need to go to the church." Lady said.

"Whyyyyyyy?" Dante whined.

"Because the demons are there." She said in annoyance.

"Hmph." 

3 hours later, Nero and Dante were looking through the bigass church. "This place sucks." Dante whined.

Nero promptly rolled his eyes. "Oh, by the way." Dante started. "What?" Nero asked, annoyance leeked in his voice. "You're hot to look at."

"What?"

"Can I just say, you're too hot to look at."

"What?"

"I mean, a longass jacket and jeans in summer? What the fuck."

Nero rolled his eyes. He couldn't wait to throw this shithead into a volcano.


	3. Just a spoonful of sugar will gET THIS ASSHOLE TO SHUT UP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nero is soooooo fucking tempted to stab this dumbass.

It had been 7 fucking hours. 

Nero had been stuck with this asshole for more than half the day, since he met him 9 hours ago.

The dumbfuck had promised that he'd take Nero to the nearest place to stay. Nero had thought it would be a hotel. Nope. It was a disgusting place called Devil May Cry. Oh, how Nero wanted to kill Dante Marilyn Sparda in 965 ways.

 

Too bad for him, since the guy was his ride to everywhere at the moment. 

Now he was here. Listening to Vergil and Dante argue about the tv. 

"AT LEAST I'M NOT EMO!"

"AT LEAST I AM NOT A SLUT FOR PROSTATES!"

Nero sighed to himself as Lady and Trish broke up the fight. "Isn't there a tv upstairs?" Nero asked.

Vergil and Dante stared at each other, then bolted to the bedroom to get the good tv.

Vergil won.

Only cause he drop kicked Dante in the penis.

Ha.

Now Nero was being annoyed by him, since the girls had left. "Why don't you ever talk about something other than sex?" Nero questioned Dante, who was describing how to hit the G-spot precisley to make a girl, or guy, scream.

"That's all I know."

Nero rose an eyebrow. "What about pizza, strawberries, and demon hunting?"

"Those are hobbies. Sex is my profession."

Nero internally blew up. 

This idiot would give him an anuerism.

"Can't you just go to sleep?"

"I need to be in pain to sleep, that's how it's always been with me for some reason."

Nero sighed, grabbed some sugar (it was actually salt) and poured it into a spoon.

He stepped on Dante's foot, making the other gasp out in pain, and shoved the spoon into the other's mouth, causing him to gag on the saltiness.

"Now, GO THE FUCK TO BED."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nero needs to get paid to stay with Dante or something. Honestly.


	4. The Good, The Bad, and The Perve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dante just can't keep it in his pants, oh lordie.

Nero had about 182,347 questions about what the hell Dante was going on about, but he decided to keep his mouth shut.

 

"I mean, she was totally begging to be groped and then she slapped me, what the fuck?"

"I'm pretty sure that's illegal, Dante."

"Shit. Really?"

 

"Mhm."

 

Nero could not believe that he actually agreed to date this complete loser. What had he been thinking? The problem was that he wasn't. Oh well. The guy was growing on him. Like some slimy, icky, fungus who wouldn't stop. Ew.

 

Taking it to his advantage that Nero was zoned off, Dante trailed his hand behind the younger male and squeezed his ass. Big mistake.

He was getting his face shoved into the floor and his arm pinned behind his back in 8.7 seconds flat.

 

"Owowowowowowowowowowowie!" Dante screeched as he felt his arm bending in a completely unnatural way, even for a demon.

 

"What. The. Hell?"

 

"Your ass was so glorious that my hand was attracted to it."

 

"Why the fuck do I date you?"

 

"Because you love me."

 

"Right now, that's debatable."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished watching Zootopia and I totally wanna write an au with Dante as Nick (the fox) and Nero as Judy (the rabbit)

**Author's Note:**

> Dante wants the Nero booty.
> 
> Also, Dante is the age he was in DMC3 and Nero is like 17.


End file.
